Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
