i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
how drunk are you?
Several
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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