i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
