We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
