every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
