You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
