I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
