Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
