apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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