Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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