I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
