If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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