8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
