HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
