I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
