Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
