I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
