I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
