we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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