So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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