I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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