sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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