Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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