She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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