dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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