I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize