well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
