so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
