I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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