Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Too much gin, very little bucket
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
