the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
