i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
