so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
