there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize