You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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