He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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