I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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