I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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