in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
