The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
