So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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