And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
