I want to stick my p in your. b.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
