You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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