I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My penis needs a shock collar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
