My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
