Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
