Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
