I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
