Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
