I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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