I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
