I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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