If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
