Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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