so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
