my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
