Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
