im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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