I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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