I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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