OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Randomize
