I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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