it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
