I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
