oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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