Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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