I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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