I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
