i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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