This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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