Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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