My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
