Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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