i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
