You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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