they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
